Hello.
This is a funny time in my life to start (or more accurately-transfer) an electronic diary, but what the hell, I'm not above it. The present status of the heroine;
1. She has just finished her nursing degree
2. She has just applied for a Graduate Diploma in Creative Writing
3. She would like to use this space as a way of tapping things out on the merciful understanding on the part of the cyber-reader that what is posted here need not be in any way erudite, insightful, profound or even enforced by basic rules of grammar (see this sentence)
4. She will stop referring to herself in the third person........................now.
My parents are moving house tomorrow, but you'd think I'm following suit with all the crap I'm getting rid of. My wardrobe is almost empty. Anybody who witnesses my 'fashion sense' will know this is no great loss to the world of haute couture.
Still, I struggle to get rid of clothes...I think it is because I have such a love/hate relationship with clothes/fashion...the concept of decoration vs. societal pressure to follow 'trends'....It boils down to some simple truths though. I have some things I have never worn. This is because I sometimes collect the outfits needed for the alternate lives I explore in my mind.
Some place in my head, I am the ringmaster in a travelling circus circa 1930. Funnily enough with that paricular vision, I collected the 'down time' outfit. The crisp white shirt and tweed pants, the braces...the weary disdain for the general enthusiasm and casual sexual conquests the acrobats enjoy? Likewise my 'lithe milliner who lives in Monte Carlo' dress. I am not thin, I cannot sew, I do not live in Monte Carlo. This isn't (specifically) a self-depriciatory rant....I am not unattractive, but in that dress (which is olive green with authentic Italian lace for anybody who cares) I look less like an arthouse waif and more like Shrek in drag.
I digress. It is the folly of a misspent youth to believe that you have to 'find yourself'. You have, and always will be, in the last place you left yourself.
Like your keys.
Therefore, it is important to avail yourself of some room in the wardrobe for the clothes needed for the life you ARE living.
I am not turning boring. I am not giving up. My reality is pleasurable, I do not daydream to escape. I can still play dress-ups in my head and heart. I do think that I need some space for when I'm dressing up as me, though.
That's it for tonight.
Apparently.
Time to retire to the bed which has my only remaining quilt cover on it...I have given the other SEVEN quilt cover options to a deserving charity.
I would feel wasteful, but realistically I'm returning them to whence they came.
I'm so over retro ironic shit.
